


Don't. Just Don't

by Sbpagel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Ministry Party, Romance, social obligation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 13:43:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17746955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sbpagel/pseuds/Sbpagel
Summary: Harry was finally happy, well, content. He had a good job, a good life, a good man. He finally had everything figured out. Then after 12 months Draco Fucking Malfoy walks back into his life, proving once and for all, he knows nothing.





	Don't. Just Don't

"And then he says to me, 'I'm sorry sir but that isn't a door.’" The blonde man said, shame written all over his face. "Apparently I was trying to break into a safe."

Harry laughed loudly, attracting the attention of those sitting around them. He and Elliot had met 11 months earlier, in a time when Harry was ready to shut his heart away and accept the lonely life of a bachelor. Here they were, almost a year in, and he was finally starting to feel settled, like he could actually share his life with someone. 

True Elliot wasn't the most attractive or the smartest of men he had been with. Nor was he the most passionate or adventurous, but he was nice and genuinely cared about him. Being an Australian he had no preconceived notions on who Harry should be, he had the makings of the perfect family man. There really shouldn't be anything holding him back. 

"Harry?" A voice sounded making his stomach plummet and him think, 'And there's always a reason.'

Turning in his seat, his jaw dropped. "Draco? What are you doing here? Are you wearing a suit?"

Draco smiled at him. "Yes Potter. Your powers of observation are, as always, spectacular. I have to be back at work for a meeting."

"Work?"

"Yes Potter. You know the place one goes for a few hours a day and then gets a financial recompense for it at the end of the week?" Draco was smirking at him, wanker. 

Harry gaped. "Yes I'm aware what work is, I just didn't know you were."

"I live to surprise." Draco turned to Elliot. "I'm Draco Malfoy seeing as a certain someone is still digesting and being impeccably rude. No surprises there really."

Elliot was looking between both of them and cautiously held out his hand. "Elliot Carmichael."

"An Australian? Well welcome to the motherland." Draco said with a raised eyebrow. 

"How long have you been working?" Harry interrupted. 

"12 months, give or take." Draco said letting go of Elliot. 

"A year?"

"Yes Potter that's what 12 months is."

"That means," Harry trailed off. 

"Yes," Draco’s smile turned sad. "It does."

"Would you like to join us?" Elliot asked. 

Draco shook himself. "I'd love to, but I must be off. I have a lot of responsibilities these days. Potter I spoke with Aunt Andromeda this morning I'll be at dinner on Friday, I hope you won't mind."

"You're speaking with Andy?" Did wonders never cease? And he was going to be at _his_ weekly dinner. No.

"Have been for a while, building fences as it were." Draco picked up his briefcase, his fucking briefcase. "Gentlemen, do enjoy yourselves."

Harry watched gaping as the one thing he never thought possible walked out of the small cafe. 

"Well fuck me." Harry mumbled. 

"Draco Malfoy." Elliot said slowly. "If I were to Hazard a guess, I'd say we just met an ex."

Harry frowned. "No. Kinda? I don't know, it's complicated."

"You don't do complicated." Elliot argued.

"And there's always a reason."

"There must be a big one." Elliot crossed his arms. "Considering you've never mentioned him before."

"Sure I have." Harry said confused. "I must have"

"Nope." Eliot shook his head. "We did the ex-talk months ago. A dashing blonde never once came up."

Harry wracked his brain, surely he didn't avoid thinking about Draco that much did he? Who was he kidding, any mention of his name and every part of him shut down. It didn't take long for his friends to stop mentioning him completely. 

"So what was it?" Elliot pushed. "Did he cheat? Turn down a proposal? Does he have 30 cats?"

"No nothing like that." Harry smiled slightly. "We were mates, I guess. I thought we were heading somewhere, and he thought differently. It's in the past."

"Harry." Elliot said sternly. "No one looks like that when something is 'in the past'. What happened?"

He sighed. "Can we not talk about this here? Can we just go back to mine?"

Harry waited awkwardly by the door while Elliot settled their bill. He was trying desperately not to run his hands through his hair, fiddle with his shirt or even run and not stop until the burning anxiety began to settle. 

"Ready?" Elliot held out his hand. 

'No' Harry wanted to say but instead said. "Yep, sure, no worries." He did not sound terrified. Not at all.

When they got back to Harry's flat, Elliot lead him to the couch and held onto his hands. "Harry, who is he?"

Harry shrugged. "He's Draco Malfoy, it's so unbelievably complicated, I don't even know how to even begin."

"I hear that the beginning is usually a good place to start." Eliot said kindly. Harry had to grin at the reference, Eliot was a lot of things, one of them being open minded. "How did you meet?"

"He was the first wizard my own age I ever met." Harry said quietly. "And in true Malfoy fashion he royally fucked it up. He was the most arrogant little toe rag I'd ever met, and I've told you about Dudley."

"So high school sweethearts then?"

Harry had to laugh. "Hardly. We could barely get through a class without ending up at each other’s throats. He spent years tormenting Ron, Hermione and me. Though I gave as good as I got mind you. Then he went and followed in daddy's footsteps and we ended up on opposite sides of the war, we just barely got out of it without killing each other.” Harry paused and took a deep breath before adding, “Actually I suppose the only reason we survived is because of each other." Harry took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

"So you had some history."

"That's putting it very mildly." Harry took a deep breath. "But yeah, we were always on each other’s radar. Then after the trials were over, he kind of dropped off of the planet. I didn't hear anything about him for quite a few years."

"So how does one go from being a schoolyard bully to whatever it is you two became?" 

Harry smiled. "Hermione. She hates it when I bring up that it's all her fault. She dragged me to this ministry function we had to attend."

Then Harry began his tale of how he and Draco got tangled up in their not-a-relationship. 

****

“Harry James Potter I swear if you pull on your collar one more time I will permanently attach it to your neck.” Hermione chastised, slapping his hand away.

“Hermione, it’s bloody hot in here.” They were sitting in a large ball room surrounded by the upper class and well to do of the wizarding world. Harry gave up many moons ago trying to take note of the décor and the guest list, after the first 50 of these everything blurs together. They were sitting at the table directly in front of the podium, nothing less for the ‘heroic trio’. “Why are people so anti cooling charms?”

“They like to watch you squirm mate.” Ron sat down, he had been dragged into a conversation about some new legislation that may or may not actually matter to a sane, reasonable person. No one in this room was a sane, reasonable person. “The worst hasn’t happened yet though, pretty sure your speech is first up.”

“Speech?” Harry choked on his scotch, drenching his robes. “What bloody speech? No one said anything about a speech. I’m not getting up there Hermione.”

“There isn’t a speech Harry. Calm down would you, people are staring.” Hermione waved at an elderly witch who looked so frail Harry was amazed that she hadn’t snapped at the middle. “Ronald stop being horrible.”

“I can’t help love, it’s too easy.” Ron smiled.

“I’m going to the bar.” Harry stood up. “Might find a new best mate while I’m at it.” Harry rolled his eyes listening to Ron chortle behind him. As he left the table he stayed close to the wall, anything to avoid the younger witches that tended to get handsy. Or worse still, the older wizards who did the same.

“Firewhiskey.” Harry slumped down on a stool and begged the young bartender. _Are you old enough to serve me?_ “Make it a double.”

“Well, well, well if it isn’t our chosen saviour, the boy who wouldn’t die, he who must be worshipped.”

“Malfoy.” Harry nodded when the blonde sat next to him, then felt every muscle inside him freeze. “Where’s Lucius?”

Malfoy chuckled. “Have no fear Potter, father won’t be polluting us with his presence tonight.”

“Was there a tragic accident? Something involving an extended stay in St Mungos?” Harry tried not to sound hopeful, he did.

“I’ll have one as well.” Malfoy said when Harry’s drink was placed in front of him, complete with a side of pretension. “Use your head Potter, this is a fundraiser for war victims. Seems a bit on the nose to have my father here don’t you think?”

Harry had to toast to that. “So then why are you here? You, albeit against your will, fought along with him.”

“Mother and I had the great and powerful Harry Potter speak up for us at our trials.” Draco said with a nod to Harry. “If he can forgive us our wrongs, everyone else bloody well can.”

Harry squinted in suspicion. “You’ve never turned up to one of these before, why tonight? Lucius I’ve seen, unfortunately. Narcissa I’ve seen, in fact she’s one of the few people I actually look forward to seeing here. Why not you?”

“My dear father has decided that it’s about time I contributed to the ‘rehabilitation of the Malfoy name.’” Malfoy took a long drink of whiskey. “I am to play my part or be cut off. So I’ll do just enough to continue doing as I please until I get bored.”

“Fair enough.” Harry rolled his eyes, it sounded just like what a spoiled pureblood with too much money would do. He turned in his seat and watched the crowd. “I hate these things. I always feel out of place, like everyone is judging me.”

“I’ll let you in on the open secret in regard to ‘these things’ Potter.” Malfoy spoke in low tones, far too close to Harry’s ear. “No one in this room feels like they belong here, that they deserve to be here. Every one of them comes here, drinks champagne that costs more than most people's wages, partakes in mindless small talk and hopes that the person they are forced to sit with never discovers the truth about them. That dirty little secret they’re hiding. That one aspect of themselves that they keep hidden under beds, locked away under charms. They come to be seen, to be heard, but I guarantee you that even those born to be here feels fraudulent. Want to know the irony of it all though?”

“What’s that?” Harry hated that his voice cracked, that he was almost entranced by what Malfoy was saying.

“The irony is that the one person who probably does belong here, that deserves to be here, that doesn’t have those dirty little secrets, is the one person who hates it. He’s the one person who despises everything about being forced to coexists with the magical elite.” Draco’s voice was getting closer, his breath warming Harry’s neck. “You Potter, are the one in which everyone in this room wishes to be. You take no pleasure from backdoor dealings or the subtlety of politics. You make it quite plain that you hate the class system that makes up our society. Everyone wishes that for one day they could be just like you.”

“Even you?” Harry asked, turning his head to look into Draco’s eyes.

“No.” Malfoy smiled. “I gave up wanting to be you a very long time ago. Once you have a taste of infamy for something out of your control, you find you don’t quite like the taste much.”

“So what’s your secret then?” Harry said turning on his stool, their knees locked between each other’s. “What’s that part of yourself that you keep locked away for no one else to see?”

He smirked, a look that never failed to make Harry’s blood pulse louder. “You’ll have to try harder than that Harry.”

Harry grinned slightly, knowing that was a challenge he was willing to meet. “So aside from doing your father’s bidding, what do you do? How do you keep yourself entertained? What keeps you from going insane?”

“I drink, I party, I live. I have fun Potter.” Draco leaned closer. “I live like I survived my worst nightmare. As if I’m no longer dictated by the whims of a mad man. We’re young, we have money, why waste it?”

“Some say,” Harry said, smirking as he leaned back to take a drink. “Having responsibilities, a job, stability, is a good thing. Some say that what makes a productive member of society. There’s nothing wrong with wanting those things.”

“No that’s true.” Malfoy conceded. “But there’s nothing wrong with not wanting them either. Have you ever tried it? Let your responsibilities slide for a day? Called in sick and spent the day fucking until you couldn’t walk.”

Harry choked on his drink, for the second time that night. “You did that on purpose.”

“Very probable.” Malfoy smiled. “So have you?”

“No, people rely on me.” Harry said easily. “I can’t just walk away.”

“Don’t you ever get sick of it?” Draco took Harry’s hand that was resting on his knee.

“Sick of what?” Harry toyed with Draco’s pinkie.

“Sick of doing what everyone else expects you to do?” Draco lowered his free hand to Harry’s thigh. “Didn’t you get enough of that growing up?”

Harry couldn’t help thinking of something Aunt Petunia used to say, ‘His words are smooth as butter, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion, but underneath are daggers.’ Draco Malfoy wasn’t the devil though, he was just a man, a _very_ attractive man at that. He drained his glass, stood and turned to leave. Looking over his shoulder he added, “Well, are you coming?”

Harry didn’t think about Ron and Hermione waiting for him back at guests of honours table as he apparated Malfoy back to his flat. He didn’t think about the donations he assured Kingsley he would secure tonight as they stumbled through his front door, joined at the lips tearing away layers. He didn’t think about the new recruits that would be waiting for him the next morning when he pushed Malfoy into his bedroom. And he didn’t think about the promise he had made himself about casual sex as he threw Draco onto his sheets. For the first time in longer than he cared to remember, Harry let himself feel.

He felt Draco’s warm mouth against his neck, trailing wet marks from his ear to his collar bone. He felt his skin burn as the slight stubble along Malfoy’s jaw rubbed against his bare chest. He felt the skin of the hard, pale stomach against his tongue as he licked his way lower. He felt the body tense below him as he took the swollen prick into his mount

“Oh fuck Potter.” Draco panted as Harry sucked harder and deeper, letting the tip graze the back of his throat. He hollowed out his cheers, sucking harder and raising his hands to grip Draco’s hips. Just when Malfoy’s balls started to tighten, Harry drew back, layering kisses along the thighs below him. “Wanker.”

Harry chuckled and lowered his head again, bringing Malfoy ever closer, only to deny him his final release. By the third time Harry did this, Draco was left as nothing more than a groaning and quivering wreck of a man.

“If I had of known that this was how I could get you to shut up,” Harry crawled his way up Draco’s body, leaving bite marks along the way. “I would have tried it a long time ago.”

“I hate you.” Draco whined. His chest was heaving, and his eyes were pleading.

“I don’t think you do. Not really. I don’t think you have in a very long time.” Harry whispered, rolling them onto their sides facing each other. He took both cocks into his hand and began to stroke slowly. “I think, you actually like me quite a bit.”

Draco shook his head in answer, but he was moaning again, thrusting his hips forward with each one of Harrys strokes. Malfoy’s hands were in his hair pulling painfully but Harry couldn’t find it in him to complain, it was too much. Gone was the cocky, trust fund, pureblood from an hour ago. In his bed he had a compliant and passionate love, he had never seen anything more erotic.

“Oh fuck Harry, I’m going to,” Watching Draco climax was the single most fascinating thing Harry had ever seen. His entire body tensed, from his toes to the fingers wrapped around Harry’s hair. His mouth fell open in a silent cry and his eyes were bright with arousal. The sight made it impossible for Harry to hold out any longer. He spilled himself across both of their stomachs.

As Harry rolled onto his back, dragging Draco onto of him, he couldn’t fight the chuckles that started deep inside of his belly.

Draco shot him a glare worthy of his 15 year-old counterpart. “Believe it or not Potter, most people don’t appreciate being laughed at post sex. It’s a bit of a turn off.”

Harry giggled again and ran his fingers down Draco’s spine. “I’m not laughing at you.” When Draco gave him a disbelieving look his said, “I was picturing Ron’s face when he realises that he has to face the insufferable old witches all on his own tonight.”

Draco smiled up to him. “I’m going to ignore the fact that you’re thinking about Weasley right now.” He rolled over and propped himself on this elbows. “Does that mean you’re not going to kick me out and run back there like the ever noble Gryffindor that you are?”

Harry ran his hand along Draco’s spine, letting his fingers trace each vertebrae. “Actually I was planning on dragging your ass out of bed so we can shower, where we will more than likely do what we just did again. Then I’m going to cook us dinner because we left before appetisers, where I will probably molest you on my kitchen table. And then I’ll drag you back here where we will do that again before we fall asleep and I am forced to remember that I have a life to get back to tomorrow.”

“Someone thinks very highly of their stamina don’t they?” Draco raised a thin eyebrow.

“I’m a fully trained, terrifying Auror Malfoy.” Harry rolled Draco over, pinning his wrists above his head. “You have absolutely no idea.”

Draco leaned forward to steal another kiss. “What were you saying about a shower?” Draco let out a squeal as Harry unceremoniously pushed him off the bed and ran towards the bathroom. “Asshat!”

***

The next morning Harry walked into his office in nothing short of a rage. Draco had kept him up so late the night before that he slept through all 3 alarms, missed breakfast and had to settle for the subpar tea they kept in all ministry breakrooms. To make matters worse, sitting on his desk was a magenta envelope, a letter from the Minster for Magic himself. Expecting a reprimand for skipping out on the fundraiser, his heart sped up when he read the words.

 _Clearance level 1 eyes only_  
_Assistance of Deputy Head Auror Potter requested by French ministry – request granted_  
_Deputy Head Auror to take ‘go bag’ to Department of Mysteries at 915 for full briefing and 945 portkey to Paris._  
_Minister for Magic_  
_Kingsley Shacklebolt_

“Fuck.” Harry _hated_ the French minister. He pulled open the bottom drawer and pulled out the shrunken bag, every Auror’s staple item. This bag contained enough clean clothes, toiletries and non-perishable food supplies to last weeks or months on the field. The longest he had been gone was 6 months 2 weeks and 4 days, learning from that error, he sent a Patronus to Hermione, Ron and Andromeda. He vaguely entertained the idea of letting Malfoy know but figured all he did last night was add his own name to the blonde’s ‘fun list’ and decided that it wasn’t worth the trouble.

****

**4 months later**

Harry _hated_ the French minister. He _hated_ vampires. He _hated_ Veela's. He _hated_ France.

“You look like shit.” Ron said, leaning against Harry’s office door. He had been back on British soil 30 minutes, of course his best mate already knew.

“Good to see you too.” Harry rubbed his heavy eyes and bent down to unlace his boots. What he wouldn’t give for a hot shower, proper British food and his bed. Before he could do any more than dream, he had to face the single greatest curse of his life, paper work. “You don’t think a ‘Hey Harry it’s good to see you man! I have seen you in months! How are you?’ Is too much to ask do you? You didn’t even bring me a cuppa.”

Ron pushed himself off of the door jam. “Last time I saw you, you declared you were off to find yourself a new best mate, then you tell me the next day your leaving on some super-secret mission. You’re lucky I turned up to make sure you’re in one piece.”

“Huh?” Harry looked up at him in confusion, his brain was still playing catch up. “Oh! The fundraiser! How was the rest of it?”

“Fine.” Ron waved him off as he sat at a chair in front of Harry’s desk. “So how was he? He must have been something special to make you forget about me and ‘Mione.”

Harry pulled the stack of parchment towards him. In his months of staking out Veela nests and Vampire layers, he had let himself think over the night with Malfoy. It was fun and the stress reliever was what he needed, but that’s all it was. Another lover for Malfoy to burn in his mission to defy everything his father said. “He was fun. For a night anyway.”

“Who was he?”

Harry looked up at Ron and considered lying for a full second. “Remember that bet you made with Hermione during the trials? You owe her 10 Galleons.”

“No fucking way! The Ferret?” Ron’s eyes were wide, and his mouth fell open. “You abandoned us for Malfoy?”

“Abandoned a bit strong don’t you think?” Harry said laughing as he signed his name on the first report.

“Mrs Fawley groped me Harry.”

Harry snickered. “What can I say? He was good.” He leaned across his desk with a wide smile. “He did this particularly amazing thing with his tongue.”

“No! No way! Not happening.” Ron jumped out of his chair as Harry roared with laughter. “I’m not listening to the details, that’s why you have my sister and my wife!” Ron went to leave his office, before the door could shut however, Ron stuck his head back in. “By the way, tomorrow’s the St Mungo’s Christmas Gala. I was going to make excuses for you to Hermione, but I guess I’ll just meet you there yeah?”

“Ron!” The door slammed on Harry’s words. “I hate him.”

****

“Auror Potter.”

Harry closed his eyes, mentally groaned and prayed for every ounce of patience in existence. “Lucius. How are you?” ‘Good to see you’ would have sounded more than a little disingenuous.

Harry took what was probably too much enjoyment from watching the twitch in the older Malfoy’s lip. He hated when he was disrespected, but more than that, hated that Harry was under no obligation to show him any.

“I hear.” Lucius said with a sneer. “That the French have you to thank for getting them out of a nasty bit of trouble. It must be so nice to still feel _needed._ That after all this time you are still _useful_.”

‘I hate you.’ Harry wanted to say and possibly add, ‘I’ve had your sons cock in my mouth.’ Instead he settled on, “Why yes Lucius it does feel good to provide a service to society. There was once a time when a certain group of people wanted to destroy much of our world. It’s been a hell of a time cleaning it all up. Of course it wouldn’t be polite to name names at such a prestigious gathering now would it?”

Before Lucius could respond with more than a flick in his left eye, a beautiful blonde woman moved between them. She smiled warmly at him and held out her hands. “Harry, it is wonderful to see you. You have been missed.”

“Mrs Malfoy.” Harry said with a smile and a half smirk to Lucius. “You look absolutely ravishing as always.” He moved forward and kissed her on both cheeks.

“Harry you are impossible, when will you call me Narcissa?” She berated with a small slap to the hand.

“When I’ve earned.” He said simply.

“You will of course be joining me on the dance floor later yes? This one,” She patted Lucius’ arm. “Hurt his leg many years ago and has not been able to join me ever since.”

“I wouldn’t dream of punishing your feet in such a way.” Harry said with a small chuckle. “You’d be safer with a Hippogriff.” He may hate everything about the obligation parties, but Narcissa Malfoy had a way of making anyone feel relaxed.

“Potter are you flirting with my mother?” Draco asked, moving into the small space beside them. “I assure you my father is the jealous type.”

Harry felt his stomach drop out through his pants. “Mal- Draco, I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”

“Draco,” Lucius nodded to his son. “Good of you to actually make an appearance tonight.”

“I wouldn’t dream of missing it father.” Draco gave his mother a tight hug. “I just ran into Mr and Mrs Greengrass, over by the minister. She mentioned wanting to know whether you and father will be attending dinner next week? I got the feeling Astoria may have an announcement.”

“They must have finally set a date.” Narcissa said with a large smile. “Her and Theodore have been going back and forward for months. Come Lucius we best go and see them. Have a lovely evening, Harry, Draco.”

“And you too Mrs Malfoy.” Harry had decided that Lucius had already left for all the care he gave.

“My mother is nicer to you than she is to me.” Draco said with a slight pout, watching his parents disappear into the crowd. “Father however, now he looks like he’d like nothing more than to flay you over an open fire.”

“Believe me, the feeling is completely mutual.” Harry turned to face the blonde. “What are you doing here anyway? Isn’t there some super exclusive, secret club below the streets of Moscow that you should be at?”

He raised an eyebrow at Harry’s comment. “Apparently, this is a family event.” Draco nodded to the children running through the feet’s of the guests. “It seems that father wanted to prove that he did in fact procreate.”

Harry hummed, feeling every bit as awkward as he did when he was dating Cho Chang. What did you say to your school yard enemy turned one time shag? How do you treat them when you find yourselves in the same room again?

Draco was studying Harry. “You know, I wasn’t going to come tonight. Despite fathers instance, I was planning on going out with mates.”

“What changed your mind?”

“I had tea with mother this morning. She was ever so excited because the guest list suddenly changed overnight. That never happens, one doesn’t RSVP no and then change their minds at the last minute.” He took two glasses of champagne off of the tray that was charmed to bob through the guests. “After some digging she discovered that our illustrious hero was, in fact, back in town.”

“You came for me?” Harry said with a disbelieving tone.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Harry chocked on his drink, again, Draco really needed to stop doing that to him. “That’s true.” He cleared his throat. “I wasn’t expecting you to be so eager to chase me down the minute I was back in town though. Surely you wouldn’t have to try so hard to get some pliable young thing into your bed for a quick shag. Or are you secretly one of my diehard fans? Do you have a Harry Potter shirt tucked away somewhere? Is that your dirty little secret?”

“Hardly Harry.” Draco said with an easy smile. “If I was looking for an insufficient, and more than likely, incompetent shag, I wouldn’t have gone home with you in the first place.”

“So what are you looking for then?” Harry cocked his head. “Last time it was about getting me to loosen up. What’s in it for you?”

Malfoy shrugged at him. “A bit fun. You’re not the hardest thing to look at and more than competent when it comes to fulfilling my needs. I figure, well, I’ll be turning up to more and more of these from now on and it wouldn’t be terrible to have something to look forward to at the end of the night.”

“So you want to what? Date me?”

“No Potter I don’t want to date you. I’m talking about shagging, sex. Hard and fast, slow and passionate. Sex.” Harry hated that Draco could talk about this so calmly, in full view of the St Mungos staff. “You and I turn up at the same function and we, end the night with a bang. So to speak. I’m not asking for brunch and weekends away. Just Sex.”

“We really shouldn’t.” Harry said leaning back against the table behind him. “There’s an awful lot of history between us. This could, actually with my luck, things would, get messy. It all seems a bit complicated.”

“What’s life without a few complications.” Draco moved up closer, just barely putting his knee in between Harrys. “I’m not asking you for exclusivity Harry. I’m asking you for once in your life, do something unexpected.” He leaned in far too close. “Do me.”

“And when this blows up in our faces?” Harry said in a whisper. “When the papers find out and we’re both on the front page. Or, better still, when your father finds out and decides to chop me up into tiny bite sized hero pieces?”

“At least we had fun along the way. Life is more than doing what you’re told.”

“It’s about more than not caring about the consequences as well.” Harry said with what he hoped was a flirtatious smile. “You’re going to be the death of me aren’t you?”

“That’s the plan yes.” Draco pulled out a muggle pen and wrote on a napkin. “My Floo address. Meet me there when this starts to die down.” He looked around at the guests. “Well, even more so. I hope that stamina is still around.”

Harry watched Draco as he moved to converse to one socialite and then another. Harry could not figure out how Draco always manages to get him to agree to truly terrible ideas. From midnight duels to truly unadvisable shags, Draco Malfoy was a bad influence.

That’s how it all got started, Harry and Draco. The would go weeks, or at one stage, due to Harrys luck with getting the worst assignments, three months, without seeing each other. But if they just happened to be in the same place at the same time, both of them knew exactly who they would be waking up with the next day.

It was 12 months in when Harry realised that something had changed. They never discussed their ‘relationship’ but somewhere along the lines it had evolved. When they had first started, Harry would have no idea if this was the night Draco would turn up or if he was to be left alone to fend for himself. Then eventually, the owls started to arrive. They never said much, just a warning that he would in fact be there that night. Instead of the usual awkward goodbye in the early hours of the morning, they would have breakfast. If it was a weekend, lunch. Then they found themselves spending entire weekends in one of their flats, ordering pizza, drinking beers and chatting.

The biggest shock to Harry was who Draco was, outside of family obligation, outside of dress robes and formality. Draco was Khaki pants and button downs. He was bare feet and reading glasses. He was relaxed and seemed to have a personal vendetta against neck ties. He was almost perfect, almost.

Draco’s carefree attitude, which had been what initially attracted Harry to him was the thing that stopped them from ever going further. That kept them in a sort of relationship limbo. They would be in the middle of dinner and Draco would get word of some new club opening and he would be gone with barely a word of goodbye. He would act as if Harry was nothing but an out of touch public servant when Harry insisted that he couldn’t miss work to shag all day. It became clear to Harry, that if anything would make Lucius Malfoy even remotely pleased, Draco would do the exact opposite. He knew it would never work. He knew that there was no future here. But it worked, whatever it was. That was until, the anniversary celebrations.

It was ten years since the fall of Voldemort and the Ministry had gone all out. They hired a lavish hotel ball room where guests and important ministry officials had rooms above. For the first time, Harry was actually looking forward to attending one of these events. The war had left its mark on him, he lost many people both close to him and not. It was a time of new beginnings though, a time where nightmares could end, and people could heal. It was a day that deserved to be celebrated.

To make the night all the better, Draco would be there, and his father would not. Draco had written him earlier in the week, making a point of saying that his room was a mere two doors away from Harry’s own. Yes tonight would be a good night.

The room was, as usual, decorated in such a way that could offend no one. There were tables strewn around the walls, a podium set up at the end of the room and a rather large dance floor in the centre. Harry was sitting with his back to the crowd, talking to Hermione, Neville and Ron.

“Is that Malfoy?” Having not been required to attend these events in the past, Neville had yet to come across the blonde.

Hermione and Ron hid their smirks as Harry blushed deeply but when Harry turned to where Neville was pointing, he felt his blood run cold and his face drain. There Draco was, in full view of the entire room, tongue down some random man’s, no boys, throat. The guy didn’t look old enough to even be at Hogwarts during the war.

“Harry.” Hermione whispered.

Draco did a quick scan of the room, he wouldn’t have seen Harry from that angle, before grabbing the guys hand and dragging him through the large double doors.

“Harry.” Hermione said again, putting her hand on his elbow.

“It’s fine.” Harry said shaking it off. “It’s, it’s fine. It’s only a bit of fun.” The look Hermione gave him showed she didn’t believe him, not even a little. “I’m getting a drink.”

An hour of trying and failing to make small talk with his superiors and dignitaries proved that Harry had been fooling himself all along. He had fallen hard for Draco, only to have it, as he always predicted, blow up in his face. Claiming a sudden upset stomach, he excused himself from the festivities. Making his way back to his suite, he slammed the door behind him and threw off his outer robes. He was, as always, a fool.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, head in his hands when the knock came. He should have known that Hermione wouldn’t let him sit in here and sulk. He got up to answer it, figuring he’d send her away, pack up and head home.

Instead of his bushy haired friend, Draco propelled himself into Harry’s arms mumbling, “I’m sorry.”

Harry pried the arms away from his neck. “Why?”

Draco gave him a pleading look. “Harry you know why I’m sorry.”

“No, why did you do it to begin with?”

Draco looked frantically around the room, eyes brimming, refusing to answer.

“Dammit Draco!” Harry turned, he couldn’t look at him. “Whatever this is, it hasn’t been ‘just fun’ for a very fucking long time and you know that!” His voice cracked and the next words came out in barely a whisper. “I thought you were different, better than that. Turns out you’re just the same inconsiderate waker that you were at school.”

“No I’m not!” Draco grabbed Harry’s shoulder and tried to turn him back around. “Harry you know I’m not.”

“Do I?” Harry slowly turned back around. “Then tell me, honestly, why did you do it?”

Draco’s breath was coming fast, like we was struggling to catch it. “His dad has just pulled out of one of fathers very important investments. Lucius will be beyond furious when he finds out.”

“That’s the real reason you started up with me to begin with isn’t it.” At that moment Harry knew that if Draco had said absolutely anything else, he wouldn’t have been so furious, hurt. Deep down this is what he had always feared. “You know what? Fuck your father and fuck you too! When are you going to grow the fuck up? When are you going to realise that you can’t keep living your life like this? When are you going to stop throwing your fucking worthless life away just for the sake of pissing off your dad? You’re not a teenager any more Draco! I thought you were better than that.”

“Harry,”

“No Draco. You could do anything you wanted, anything at all. You don’t need his money, your smart enough and god knows your stubborn enough to do it on your own. You’ve just always been too much of a coward to try.”

“Harry please?”

Harry walked to the door and opened it. “I want you to leave.”

“Please don’t do this.” Draco pleaded, standing in front of Harry.

Harry finally looked into Draco’s eyes. “You want to know the worst part?”

Draco shook his head and closed his eyes.

“I haven’t been seeing anyone else in months now. I knew you had but deep down I was stupidly thinking that maybe, possibly, someday, we’d be more than this. I’m not stubborn enough to not be able to admit when I’m wrong. We’re done. You need to leave.”

Draco nodded mutely and left, closing the door softly behind him. The sound of the lock clicking into place, shattered Harry’s heart.

****

“And I haven’t seen him since.” Harry finished his story. During his tale he had managed to pull his feet up in front of him and was gripping his ankles painfully. “He stopped coming to the ministry parties and his parents never mentioned him. I decided that I was done with complicated, it just ends up messy. Then I met you a month later and haven’t let myself look back since.”

Eliot was nodding slowly. “So you essentially ended things with him because we was drifting, wasting his life, cutting off his nose to spite his face. Now it looks, at least from the outside, that he’s getting his life together.”

“I won’t lie,” Harry said, hugging his knees still tighter. “Seeing him today was a fair bit of a shock.”

Eliot had his head cocked to the side, taking in Harry’s posture.

“What?” Harry was feeling self-conscious and scrutinised.

“I think I’m going to go.”

“What no!” Harry disentangled his arms. “You don’t have to leave.”

“Harry,” Eliot took one of Harry’s hands. “You really need to figure out exactly what you want here.”

“I know what I want.” Harry argued.

“Are you sure?” Eliot looked doubtful. “I know what I want, but I’ve been working for almost a year to get you to look at me with the same passion that you have when you talk about Draco.”

“I’m happier with you.” Harry said quietly.

Eliot nodded. “Yeah but how do you feel about him vs me?”

“I,” Harry faltered then shook his head. This man was everything he ever hoped for, he couldn’t lie to him. “I honestly don’t know.”

“Let me know when you figure it out, just don’t make me wait too long yeah?” He placed a kiss to Harry’s temple. “You’re a good man Harry, remember that.”

When he heard the Floo roar, he let himself think. For the first time in a year, he thought about how he truly felt. He had aged a year but in that moment it felt like a decade.

Eliot was everything that Draco wasn’t. He was kind where Draco was cruel. He was driven where Draco was indifferent. He was genuine, where Draco was sarcastic. He was as calming as a river, where Draco was as wild as the ocean. But Draco was passionate and fun, he pushed Harry in ways that no one else ever could. He was a drug, a life force, an addiction. The question was, was this addiction one that he could kick? Or would it forever consume him? Would it eat him from the inside until Harry lost himself completely? Or could it truly be everything he once dreamed that it could?

He stood and began to pace.

****

When Draco Malfoy entered his tiny flat that night, every muscle in him was protesting. For a man who spent his days behind a desk, his body was far too exhausted. Seeing Harry today, in such a casual setting no less, had left him feeling high strung and tense. He had messed up in the meeting with his boss and made mistakes he hadn’t made since his first week. He had always imagined that if he ever did come face to face with Harry again, he would be suave and sophisticated. He would say ‘See what I can do? You were right originally, I am better than that.’

Instead it took everything he had to keep from falling to pieces right there in the middle of the café. Harry was seeing someone, of course he was. He had assumed that there was someone in the picture, the prophet had been hinting at such for months. Seeing it in print and seeing it with your own eyes were two very different things though.

He tapped his wand to a side cupboard to reveal bottles filled with various liquids. Since his father had finally cut him off, he had very few luxuries in life. One he did have, was high end spirits. He lived a surprisingly comfortable and rewarding life despite not having the Malfoy fortune behind him, another thing Harry was right about. He removed himself from his old ‘friends’, got a decent job and stopped letting his father have any impact on his life, for better or worse. His mother was still in touch, but he always refused to let her help. He wanted to prove to himself that a Malfoy could survive the real world. He was stronger than that, stronger than him. He wasn’t a coward.

After pouring himself two fingers, he collapsed onto his small sofa. Harry was laughing with _Eliot_ today, he had been so open, in a way that he never allowed himself to be with Draco. It was his own fault of course, Draco had no one to blame. He could see their relationship growing into something more, something meaningful, how could he not? Instead of embracing it and letting himself actually have something good in his life, like always, he ran away scared. Instead of acting like a grown ass man and owning his feelings, he let the single best thing that ever happened to him, get away.

There was a loud, obnoxious banging on his door. Draco groaned and looked at the clock, who in their right mind would be here tonight?

“Harry!” Draco’s jaw dropped to see Harry Bloody Potter standing with hands braced on the door frame, murder in his eyes. “How did you know where I live?”

“Auror.” He said simply, as if that explained everything in life. “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” Draco thought in a panic ‘What the fuck else have I done?’

Harry plucked at Draco’s silk tie and let it fall back against his chest. “All of it. All of this.” He let his eyes move around Draco’s small studio flat. It was painfully obvious that he was no longer tied to Lucius Malfoy’s purse strings. “Did you do it to try and get me back in your bed? Is this all some perverted trick?”

Draco rolled his eyes at him. “Could you be more conceited?” He turned and walked back to his liquor cabinet, silently inviting Harry to follow. Pouring himself and Harry a drink, he sat back down on his sofa. “While you may have been the catalyst, I didn’t do it for you. Because of you is probably a better description. Everything I do and have done, is to make myself a better person. Not for you or anyone else, for me.”

Harry crossed the room to stand in front of Draco, looking down on him with large green eyes. “I try very hard, every day, to be a good person. Someone worthy of what the world has given me since the war. I go to work on time. I pay my taxes. I’m seen at the right parties, talking to the right people. I smile for the cameras. I met a good man who treats me well. I do what I’m told. Then just when I think I’ve got it all figured out, Draco Fucking Malfoy walks back in, casual as you please, and he turns the world back on its fucking head again. You come back into my life for 5 minutes and prove that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.” He reached down and pulled Draco up by his shoulders.

“Harry.” Draco whispered. His brows crossed, he reached up and cupped Harry’s jaw, fighting the feeling of hope swelling in his stomach when Harry leaned into it.

“Do you enjoy it?” Harry’s hands were digging into Draco’s arms painfully, he wouldn’t complain though, it proved it to be real. “Do you enjoy having this power over me? Do you mock me?”

“Harry.” Draco whispered again, letting his thumb stroke the strong bones beneath.

“I fucking hate you.” Harry growled and spun Draco until he was pushed roughly against the bookshelf. Draco could feel spines digging into his shoulder blades. “I hate that I can never actually stop thinking about you. I hate that you fucked him. I hate that I have no control around you. I hate that after a fucking year you can walk back into my life and none of it fucking matters. I hate that I missed you.”

“Harry.” Draco groaned as Harry stared biting his jaw.

 

“I hate that I love you.” Harry sobbed and Draco’s could feel his shirt getting wet by Harry’s tears.

 

“Harry.”

“Tell me it isn’t real.” Harry begged, head still pressed hard against Draco’s shoulder, hands gripping his hips firmly. “Tell me that this is all just another game and that nothing’s changed. Please tell me that.”

If Draco was a better man, he would have given Harry that, he would have lied. He would have told Harry that of course he only wanted to get under Harry’s skin. He was just trying to drive his father insane. But Draco has always been a selfish man. “No. I won’t. I love almost everything about the life I have now. I love being productive and getting up in the mornings. I love having somewhere to be every day. I love that people depend on me. I love that I can actually remember what I did last night. I love that you were right about me all along. I loved that you showed me that I could do more, be more. I love, more than I can fucking say, I love that you love me.”

“Draco.” Harry ran his nose up Draco’s neck, breathing deep.

“I’ve missed you every day.” Draco closed his eyes and tried to keep the tears from falling. He let his hands run up the back he never thought he’d feel again. “That night is up there as one of the worst in my life. I can’t take it back, I can’t make what I did ok. All I can do is tell you that you make me want to be a better man. Say that it’s not too late. Please tell me it’s not too late.”

Harry pulled back and truly looked at him. “How can I trust you?”

“I don’t know.” Draco said honestly then let a smile play on his lips. “If you stay with me tonight I can think of somethings that might help me to prove it.”

Harry chuckled. “If I do that I’ll never leave.”

“I’m completely ok with that.”

“I think I need to talk to Eliot.” Harry said, letting Draco go and stepping out of arms reach.

“Of course.” Draco hung his head and promised himself he would wait until Harry left. He wasn’t going to cry now. “I understand.”

“Will you wait for me?”

Draco’s head shot up and knew he was smiling like a fool, he just didn’t care. “Always.”

Harry ripped his gaze away with what looked like a lot of effort and walked to the door. “I’ll be back as fast I can.”

This time when the door clicked shut, neither of them felt their hearts shatter, they felt them piece themselves back together again.

 

**Fin**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading xx


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